The accident chore is the wild west of sex acts. There are no rules, only instincts. For anyone who's always wondered how to requite a blow job, the literal only certainty is that information technology begins when y'all put a penis or any phallic item, similar a dildo, in your mouth—beyond that, you can suck, lick, kiss, stroke, grind on, sing to, or, yes, even accident on that fellow member if that's what you and your partner are into. For those who are less experienced in the art of giving caput—and believe me, it's way more of an art than a science—it may seem like a great BJ is divers past fancy tongue maneuvers and taking it and then deep that yous full-on gag on the D. But the secret to a bang-up blowie is the secret to cracking sex of any kind: Talk. Information technology. Out.

Atlanta-based sex activity motorcoach and founder of Velvet Lips sexual activity instruction center Marla Renee Stewart, MA, says that if y'all're going down on someone with a penis, you should experience empowered to ask them what they like. Do they usually orgasm from BJs? How do they feel well-nigh eye contact, or using your hands? Do they want to exist able to hear how much y'all enjoy having them in your oral cavity?

She says it's important to cater to your partner's "seduction style," something she describes in her book — The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay: Techniques and Strategies for Mind-Blowing Sex , co-authored with sex activity therapist Jess O'Reilly, PhD—as a person's preferred sexual stimuli.

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Is your partner super visual? Are they more tactile? Mayhap they go crazy for certain sounds? Any sensations they most respond to, "those are certain needs somebody has with regards to the feedback or the connection that they appreciate," says Stewart. And playing to those needs will make all the difference when performing oral sexual practice.

Only just as your partner has needs, you should feel similarly empowered to share your own. Maybe you'd rather requite head on your dorsum while they kneel over you. Possibly cum skeeves you out and yous'd prefer them to finish somewhere other than your actual pharynx. Maybe yous only like performing oral sex on a peen when said peen is wrapped in a strawberry banana flavored condom. Whatsoever it is, your needs are just as of import equally your partner'south, and the experience will be way more than enjoyable for the both of yous if you're happy and comfy throughout.

"You always need to have some sort of enthusiasm" when giving head, Stewart says. "If y'all don't want to exist there, information technology's gonna show, so just don't do it. It's of import for both parties to know your boundaries."

OK, so you've talked to your partner and learned a fleck about their dream BJ. Y'all've established your own BJ parameters. Where do yous go from hither? For more on how to requite a blow chore that will accident your partner away, here are all the best tips, tricks, and licks, straight from the minds and mouths of fellatio's foremost experts. Pucker upward, considering you're going down. Similar, literally.

1. Set the mood.

Don't worry, you don't take to bust out some heels and mood lighting every time you lot give a accident job. Just if y'all feel confident and sexy going into the experience, the overall vibe will just be hotter. To raise your own enthusiasm, sexologist Goody Howard suggests playing a little background music. "You want to option a vocal that makes yous feel powerful, beautiful, and desirable," she says. "Then you want to perform oral sex to the rhythm of the song. You can fifty-fifty hum some of the lyrics into the penis. It also helps you keep a rhythm for your animate, which helps support gag reflex control."

ii. Again, ask what they like.

Everyone's different when it comes to sexual preferences, so if y'all're unsure what to do, Velvet Co. sexpert Julieta Chiara suggests simply asking.

"What works for one person will not for the other, so getting downwardly to the core is cardinal," she says. Yous tin can enquire in a sexy manner and so that it feels like part of the whole issue, instead of just request for directions. Attempt something like, "I want to suck your dick. How do you lot want me to do it?" Lookout man their eyes light upwardly and their penis jump to attending as they give you a play-by-play of exactly what they similar.

That beingness said, if y'all're not vibing with their suggestions or if whatever they're asking for makes yous uncomfy, y'all can ever say no. Stewart says you have to be able to express your needs merely also every bit you can internalize theirs. And TBH, yous never have to give anyone a blow job if it'due south not your style. Just be straightforward with your partner about your boundaries.

three. Have some of the pressure out of it.

Deciding to give someone a blow job is a certified Big Deal. But that doesn't mean you take to take all the fun out of it. Instead of worrying about giving the perfect blow task, just be in the moment. Laugh if something silly happens. Take breaks for sips of water. Make jokes. Ease the tension with some weird dance moves. Remember, this is almost connecting and enjoying—not almost putting on a Broadway-worthy operation.

4. Be all kinds of vocal.

Moan, groan, ooh, and ahh. Hell, even throw in a gurgling audio if the mood strikes you. The signal is, don't be afraid to brand noises or slurpy sounds—it's not but hot, just the vibrations from your oral cavity volition exercise wondrous things to their peen.

"Channel your inner porn star," Howard suggests. "Exaggerated moaning and sucking and slurping gives an amazing sensation to the penis, and the vibration from slurping adds layers to the pleasure for the receiving partner."

Also, muddy talk is a great way to not only turn up the oestrus on the situation but give your jaw a rest, explains sexual activity expert Kenneth Play. Stare into your partner's eyes and say something along the lines of, "you gustation and then good," "y'all feel so proficient in my rima oris," "can I suck it harder?" Whether or not you actually do suck it harder doesn't matter, because they'll instantly be closer to coming.

5. Pillows are your friend.

Your comfort is key! "Don't exist agape to take breaks," Stewart says. Do y'all demand a neck pillow? Do you demand a dissimilar position that'southward going to help you do the chore ameliorate? "Don't be agape to say what your needs are in this state of affairs." Whether you buy a pillow specifically for sex activity (yes, sexual activity pillows are a affair) or you lot grab i off of the bed, pillows are i of the well-nigh underrated additions to oral. Non simply can you put them under your knees if y'all're giving a kneeling accident job, but you tin use them to prop up your partner'due south hips, which takes some of the neck strain off of yous and provides new sensations for them and new positions for you to effort.

6. Also, yep, using lube is an A+ move.

Why would you demand lube when you have a mouthful of spit? Because spit dries upwards quick and lube makes everything ameliorate. Not only volition information technology go on things slippery, but if y'all give your rima oris a break and utilise your hand, it'll speed up the process and forestall you from getting lockjaw. Opt for a flavored lube that doesn't taste like a takeout handbag and enjoy the fact that you can suck a dick that tastes like strawberries. The joys of modern sex additives!

7. In that location is no wrong way to give a accident job.

You lot should just become that out of your head now considering, how-do-you-do, everyone has different tastes, preferences, likes, and wants, which ways information technology'southward going to vary for every person you're with.

"Unlike people prefer different techniques, and there's no fashion to know about their favorite unless you enquire or listen to their reaction," says clinical sexologist Rachel Sommer, PhD, co-founder of My Sexual activity Toy Guide.

8. It'south okay to exist intimidated.

If you oasis't logged much face up-to-penis time, the thought of shoving one in your oral fissure might be a bear upon overwhelming. That's totally normal. Only if you desire to experiment with accident jobs and but don't quite know how to brainstorm, Stewart and Howard both recommend getting in some dress rehearsals earlier hitting the main stage.

"Accept a class or three, get familiar," Stewart says. Howard runs an oral sex workshop chosen "LICK!" in Dallas, Texas, which she says is her "fantastic fellatio workshop that teaches how to add toys to performance and even attain orgasm while giving head." Not in Dallas? Sex educators in virtually major cities run similar workshops. Requite it a Google.

If a workshop isn't your style, Stewart suggests buying a dildo. "The more y'all're familiar with the blazon of anatomy—fifty-fifty though information technology might simply be a toy as opposed to a penis—it'south important only to have the practice and to be familiar and then that you're not going in there totally clueless."

And of course (~shameless plug~), you can also check out Cosmo's very ain four-Week Oral Sexual activity Challenge, where we unpack the practice'southward and don'ts of giving and getting oral sex downward to the nitty gritty. You'll be a pro by the end, trust.

nine. Don't merely stroke your partner'southward penis, stroke their ego.

Trust, the mental and emotional build-up to an orgasm is almost as hot as the actual thing. This means that, yep, if you are looking at this blow job as if it's a task, your partner volition know you lot're not into it. "Utilize this fourth dimension to focus on catering to your partner," says clinical sexologist Valon Alford, owner of Vitality Wellness Solutions. "Your endgame is for your partner to feel like their pleasure is the nearly important thing in the globe."

Similarly, Stewart says oral sex can be a way to communicate admiration between partners. And if it's something that you really love to exercise, it'll bear witness—and information technology'll be and so appreciated. "Information technology's important that you're savoring the moment and non rushing," she adds.

10. Appeal to alllllll of their senses.

Alford confirms: "Appealing to the five senses (touch, sight, sound, smell, and taste) is a nifty way to plow on your partner and set the mood." She suggests something as little as called-for a nice aromatherapy candle or wearing that perfume your partner loves. Rub their dorsum or squirt some whipped cream in their mouth while you're going at it. Go creative to put their senses in overdrive.

A blow chore is "non only about the experience itself, only also near the visual aspects, that's sexy for the receiver," Stewart says. What kinds of sounds are you lot making? Add some mmm'south to show how much you're enjoying the feel. Throw in some dirty talk, or just some dialog and feedback. Check in with other parts of your torso—tin you rub upwards against your lover'south body equally you're giving caput? "I think all of those things are important besides," she says.

eleven. Don't limit the blow task to the penis merely.

There are tonnnns of pleasance spots on the trunk you tin stimulate. I I highly, highly recommend you become familiar with is the perineum—the area betwixt your partner's scrotum and anus. "It is highly sensitive considering it is home to a lot of nerve endings. Giving this area a little attention can intensify pleasure," says Alford. She recommends using your tongue or index and heart fingers to use force per unit area there.

12. Dry out mouth is a thing, and it'southward fine to admit information technology and work around it.

Whether you accept dry oral fissure from nerves, allergy or prescription meds, or even but drinking alcohol prior (which can dehydrate you lot), dry mouth is supes common and you tin can detect a way to bargain with it! A little prep never hurt anyone—keep some chewing mucilage or sour candies by your bedside to aid nudge your salivary glands into production, as ob-gyn Wendy Askew, MD, previously told Cosmopolitan.

You can likewise prep, like, mode beforehand too. If you lot lurve giving head but your dry mouth is cramping your fashion, invest in some Xylitol-based mouthwashes specifically designed for dry mouth, like Biotene or Smart Rima oris Mouthwash. Xylitol mouthwashes (remember, stay away from booze-based as it can crusade dryness) actually helps stimulate saliva production and retain better wet in the mouth, co-ordinate to Dr. Askew.

13. The anecdotal "hack" that going deeper produces more than spit might work for some, but you're literally tricking your encephalon into going into panic mode in order to exercise information technology, so don't feel any pressure level.

Some people choose to brand themselves gag to produce more spit. Only if gagging freaks yous out, that makes actual physiological sense. Co-ordinate to Jarrett Manning, DDS, an Atlanta-based dentist, "The body'south response to deep-throating is similar to that of gagging, which is a defense machinery preventing swallowing or choking."

Basically, "when these areas in the dorsum of your throat become triggered in such a way, the stimulation goes from your fretfulness to your encephalon'due south medulla oblongata, which happens to be located about the other areas of the brain that cause you lot to go teary optics and produce excess saliva." AKA, there's kind of a medical reason it might work, simply yous're legit like, hitting the "PANIC" button in your brain to get there. Then yous tin counterbalance the pros and cons.

14. Not everyone can orgasm from a blow job.

Stewart emphasizes that not everyone will orgasm from a blow task, and that's totally fine. While movies, books and Television shows might make information technology seem similar blow jobs are the holy grail and The Ultimate Matter that all penis-owners want 24/7, some people aren't crazy almost them, and others like them (or even beloved them) just they just don't lead to orgasms.

If you're going at it for ages and null's happening, and your partner's like, "Yeah, I might non finish from this since I rarely can," exercise not take it personally. Trust that they know their body better than you lot can and attempt to just enjoy the moment without being so goal-oriented, Stewart recommends.

fifteen. You don't take to do the kneeling-in-front position if you don't want to.

There's a time and place for kneeling blow jobs and there's also a fourth dimension and place to exist like, "Fuck it, I want to be comfortable and keep motion from where I am correct now to a minimum." If yous try changing up your position so y'all sit next to them, not in forepart of them, you can alter the sensation for your partner, show off your ass, and you might find that it just makes things comfier for yous on the whole.

xvi. Become alee and arrive about you as well!

Bringing a vibrating toy into things tin make giving head fifty-fifty hotter. You lot tin can employ one hand to concord it while you're kneeling and sort of sit on it for maximum control.

To cum while you lot're going to town on your partner, San Francisco–based sex expert, therapist, and co-founder of the Somatica Method of sexual activity Celeste Hirschman, MA, suggests lying on your dorsum with your partner on their knees. Turn to the right to requite them a blowjob while they finger you lot. For actress pleasure, use a vibrating toy on yourself. Watching one another experience the shared pleasure can be a massive turn-on for both y'all and your partner.

17. Your partner might exist placidity but withal exist absolutely lovin' it.

This is a problem amongst people with penises, many of whom seem to have been told, at some point, to literally never exude enthusiasm in sex. If your partner's silence is weirding yous out, tell them and then! Positive feedback is helpful for BJ novices and experts alike.

18. Y'all tin can def practice this in the shower.

Most shower sex is difficult to impossible—the literal blackness diamond of sex activity locations. Simply oral sex is both doable and enjoyable in the shower. Have your partner stand up out of the jet stream (then you can be in it) and become to town afterward yous've watched them wash their bod.

19. Balls exist and mayhap you should contain them into this whole thing.

But don't practice information technology without first asking if your partner is into that. So follow that question up with, "And how do y'all like your balls played with?" Considering what people who don't have them don't know is that apparently, they're very sensitive! So don't go yanking away without alert.

Hirschman'due south tip for playing with balls: "If you lot have strong abs, kneel between [your partner's] legs and utilise one paw on the shaft and the other to gently pull and caress the balls."

twenty. Too, this is a good time to address the butt.

Once again: Ask your partner if they like butt play before yous venture into unknown territory. And and so if they give you lot the all-clear, ask once again what kind of play they like. If they don't know, bank check out some of these beginner anal play tips and work from at that place. This besides tends to speed up blow jobs, which, yous know, might be a skilful thing.

21. Not to be a bummer, but you can become STIs from this.

Which is why wearing condoms during oral is a expert idea, especially for new, non-monogamous partners. There are enough of flavored varieties if the gustation of latex isn't really your thing.

22. Get creative and exist playful.

Bring some toys (vibrators feel practiced on penises, too!) into the mix, or try some flavored lubes. Take a play from Samantha Jones'southward book and have them stand up in forepart of a mirror. Information technology tin exist super hot to sentinel yourself go information technology on (why do you think sex tapes are a thing??). Use that over-the-door mirror yous've had since freshman year of college for dingy purposes and position yourselves in front of information technology while you become down on your partner.

Hungry? Howard suggests adding some fruit roll ups (aye, you read that right) into your sexy repertoire. Instead of using the whole matter all at one time, which could have a while to work your way through, cut that fruity goodness into three sections and wrap one of them effectually the middle of the shaft. "This will give you an incentive to get more than penis in your mouth and yous won't be sucking dick for like, a whole week," she says.

23. You can speed up the process by adding foreplay.

For some people, blow jobs are foreplay that leads up to other stuff. For others, they're the master effect. Any the example may be, you can blow their freakin' mind and backbite minutes from the corporeality of time their D is in your M past teasing your partner pre–blow job. Go them all worked up by kissing their hips and thighs, then their shaft. Exhale on the tip of their dick, lick information technology lightly. Flirt with it! Not only does information technology experience neat for them, merely information technology's fun for you and it can cutting downward on the amount of time you're really sucking and straining your jaw.

24. They're paying less attention to what your face looks like than y'all think they are.

Have you ever seen anyone eat a really big popsicle? Similar, put their whole dang mouth effectually information technology (which, ouch, brain freeze)? Information technology's not a nice sight! And that'due south okay. When you're giving a accident job, you're non supposed to look super composed and photo-ready. Your mouth is on your lover'south genitals. They're gonna think you look hot no affair what.

25. It isn't a fancy massage at a spa, and therefore, doesn't have to be all about them.

Ever heard of something called sensate focus? It's a sex therapy technique in which you focus on touch and the physical pleasance it brings you, and you lot can totally use it to ease blow job anxiety or just ~mix information technology up~ a footling. Basically, instead of doing what you lot think you're supposed to do to make them feel keen, employ blow job techniques that feel fun and exciting to you. Oral sexual practice doesn't have to exist as one-sided as its reputation would imply.

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26. A penis isn't a vagina or a Skid'N Slide and doesn't but get wet on its own.

I mean, there's pre-ejaculate, simply that's like a light rain shower when a proper BJ usually requires a torrential downpour. Drink some water and be prepared to use all the spit you lot tin muster. Don't exist afraid to literally spit on their penis if things get dry. It'southward not gross. This is someone you brand out with (probably), and trust me, they'll remember it's hot.

27. Yous practice not accept to bow down before their erect penis like it'due south royalty.

In movies and TV shows, the only BJ position ever depicted is someone on their knees, bobbing their head dorsum and along while their partner stands upwards like a statuesque Greek god. This is and then rare IRL! You don't have to invest in knee pads like Stephanie from seventh grade said yous would! Stephanie lied to y'all. Merely get on the bed and do it lying down. It'southward comfier!

28. You lot don't accept to swallow their semen, just y'all can if you similar it.

No shade to the folks who similar the taste and feel of cum in their oral fissure, but for some people, the awareness is disgusting. That doesn't mean your partner's not a full babe and you aren't mega attracted to them—it just means the two of you should figure out an alternative cum route. Maybe they orgasm on your chest? How about into a tissue or towel? Conversation about it with your lover to find a solution that you both think is delicious and sexy.

29. Your hands can pinch-hitting when your oral cavity needs some time on the bench.

Howard would similar to remind you that your hands are an incredible BJ asset that can be used at the same time as your oral fissure, and besides in moments when your oral fissure needs a pause. "There are no awards for the all-time Bluetooth caput. You know, easily-costless? Employ your hands and stroke the penis while performing oral sex," she says. "Especially when they go ready to cum. You lot tin stroke the penis and angle information technology away from your oral fissure and take that time to focus on the testicles."

Additionally, Stewart says using tools like a hand job sleeve can make it easier for someone with hand issues or arthritis.

30. Y'all're non going to accidentally bite downwards on the penis with your teeth and sever information technology and leave your partner sterile forever.

At that place are an inordinate number of horror stories about people who accidentally use their teeth during a BJ and, like, peel their partner'due south dick with their razor molars or something. This is non—I repeat, not—a regular occurence. Have some sensation of where your teeth are in relation to their penis so that yous avoid causing them whatsoever pain or discomfort, but don't let information technology get to your caput (or either one of theirs).

31. Sometimes a penis doesn't smell expert, and that's okay.

I don't remember anyone expects a hard penis to odour like Chanel perfume or a strawberry Lip Smacker, only some people take a stronger scent than others. Anyone's crotch expanse tin can get sweaty and pungent. If y'all're concerned about your partner'due south odour or hygiene, kindly advise a sexy shower together before any mouth-to-genital activeness.

32. Your natural language is your BJ BFF.

It's not the strongest musculus in your body for no reason, okay?! Tongues are sexy as hell, and the chances are high that your partner's going to desire to see yours in action as yous lick the living daylights outta their phallus. While giving head, play around with natural language shapes: Wide and apartment on the shaft and tight and pointy on the tip are two skilful places to start.

Hirschman suggests licking their shaft while property eye contact, and tickling your natural language across the shaft as you become up and downwardly.

Also, yous can use your tongue to fox them into thinking they're all the mode in your oral fissure, like magic, if magic were sexier. Just either tuck their penis underneath your tongue or employ your tongue to cake the back of your throat (this also protects your fragile gag reflexes just in case).

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33. A blow chore isn't like a magic button that makes someone cum right now immediately.

Although people do seem to love them, it'south not something that begins and ends in a matter of seconds (usually). These things tin be a lot of work, specially if you're downwardly at that place for, like, xv minutes. You can quit whenever you desire though—never feel like you're dropping out of a race early on.

34. Porn can really teach you a lot well-nigh accident jobs, like the graphic sex ed you never had in school.

Sexual practice ed should definitely be better in this country, simply I really doubt we'll ever accept gym coaches teaching good blow job decorum in front of a bunch of confused teenagers. And that's probably for the best? Anyway. People don't tend to f*ck IRL like they do in porn, but sometimes those close-upwardly shots of someone ferociously sucking a D can serve as good little tutorials on how to motion your head. Just don't attempt deep-throating if you're not very experienced.

Once you've gotten your porny techniques down, Hirschman recommends trying to create some suction, kind of similar a vacuum, right when you feel the tip of their dick get the hardest. "This creates an extremely powerful orgasm," she says.

35. Literally no ane can deep-throat without gagging.

I vaguely retrieve some girl in ninth class telling me that all grown women literally swallow lidocaine or the stuff in those Orajel swabs earlier giving a accident job and so they don't gag on a dick. Don't do this! Don't beverage lidocaine! No! If you're worried about gagging or throwing up on someone you similar, the solution is to only not deep-throat a penis.

36. You do not have to give a BJ just to get head in return.

If someone refuses to go down on yous considering yous don't like giving BJs, or for literally whatever other reason, they suck (except lol, they don't suck, hahaha get it?). This is the prototype of give thanks u, next. In that location are tons of people out there who are going to dear the idea of going down on you, so go observe them!

37. Enjoying giving and/or receiving oral sex isn't an indicator of how good you are in bed, okay?

In fact, it says cipher about you other than that you lot enjoy and/or don't enjoy giving and/or receiving oral sex activity. This 1 sex human activity is manner overblown (had to, deplorable), but information technology's simply one affair on an endless menu of sexy stuff you tin do with another person. Blow jobs tin be super hot and build lots of juicy intimacy, just they're not the end-all-be-all if you don't want them to be. Trust your gut (and your gag reflex) and you lot can't go incorrect.